Anyway, as you can probably already imagine I folded under all of this pressure. Every bar I'd reach for, instead of obtaining them, I seemed to push them further away. The more I'd attempt to please everyone and make them proud of me, the more miserably I'd fail. The more I failed, the more comfortable I'd become with the title of being a failure. At least in the eyes of my parents, siblings and the Church. Yet, the world seemed to embrace me exactly as I was. Bad decisions, mistakes, failures, I seemed to be accepted as the picture of imperfection that I was, with no pressure. So I stopped trying to please church and family and began pleasing the world and self. Still having yet to realize this was all part of God's ultimate plan for my life.
From the age of 18 until about 31 I intentionally rebelled. Every expectation set for me and boundary placed on me, I ignored. All of the pressure I'd lived under for 18 years of my life that kept me feeling inadequate and suppressed, in my mind I'd finally broken free from. I made it my business to go as far left as I possibly could. Everything they said don't do, I did. Everywhere they said don't go, I went. I pushed the envelope, went against the grain, ruffled feathers. THAT's what I was good at. I wasn't good at following the path already set by others; the one everyone thought I should. I wasn't like everyone else and I was comfortable with that. At this point I resolved in my mind that I had to blaze my own trail. Where their journey was straight, mine would be crooked. Where theirs seemed smooth, my process was going to be rocky and bumpy. I was fine with it.
When I finally gave my life to Christ at the age of 31, I was initially ashamed of my process, the path I'd taken in life. I didn't want to expose the things I'd been through or done. However, as I learned the power of grace and mercy, I became stronger and more confident in my skin. The fact that God was the One that kept me and He was the reason I was still alive gave my process power. I knew every part of my story was necessary, every detail intentional. God would use my past faults, failures and flaws to assist me in becoming the virtuous woman that He created me to be.
Little did I know God would use me to do a new thing. All of my past experiences were just part of the process of creating Forever Becoming. A blueprint for imperfect vessels, like me, to follow. God knew that there would be an entire group of us, all across that world, that may fail under expectations of man. Yet, those human failures, in the eyes of God, translate into "Forever Becoming".
Forever Becoming is a mentoring movement inspired by God and created by me to assist the powerful, purposeful woman in the continual, evolution process of BECOMING! Forever Becoming means to choose every single day to be...
1. Brave
2. Exquisite
3. Confident
4. Optimistic
5. Motivated
6. Intentional
7. of Noble Character
8. a Goal Digger
This is not a process of perfection, nor is it about meeting the expectations and bars set for you by man. It is for the sole purpose of always striving towards and choosing to be the woman that God created and called you to be. A blue print to assist us in fulfilling His plan and purpose for our lives. With the ultimate goal of leaving this world completely empty.
It is my prayer that we all strive to be Forever Becoming.
All my Love,
LaShawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher
