My "ComeBack Woman" Monologue

THE TRUTH
1 in every 4 women will become victims of some form of severe violence by an intimate partner in her lifetime. I realized the hard way “I AM THAT ONE.”

MY TRUTH
It was May 2010, I believe the date fell on a Friday. I stood in my closet attempting to ready myself for my grandmother’s wake. When all of a sudden I found myself lost in a sea of weighted, depressing thoughts. Now, you would think I would’ve been stricken with the obvious feelings of grief due to the fact that I was preparing to say my final goodbye’s to my 95 year old grandmother. But no, this wasn’t grief at all. In actuality, I was experiencing feelings of fear and anxiety due to the fact that “he” would be there.

You see for over ten years “he” served as a source of not only physical, but mental abuse for me. And although I was physically removed from the marriage, the effects of years of torment and mistreatment was still stuck in my head. He had become the very bane of my existence so much so, that even after 6 years divorced, the mere thought of being in close proximity with this man slammed me right back into an extremely dark mental space.

A 10 year marriage that had been dissolved for 6 years, was STILL CONTROLLING ME.

MY STORY
You see as a preachers’ daughter, the shame of being pregnant at 17 years old and unmarried left me in a vulnerable place. I was susceptible to being deceived by the lies of the enemy. And that’s exactly what began to happen. Amidst a foundation of BROKENNESS, you begin to build a tower of lies.

Very quickly after “I Do” began the BULLYING. You made me feel as if you were superior because of your financial status and your degrees on the walls. After all, you were well spoken, well dressed. You had a career, your own car and secured bank accounts. You didn’t me…I, I was the one that needed you… or so it was burned into my brain to believe.

Almost automatically FEAR effortlessly set in. I was afraid to leave..How would I make it without you? Afraid to defend myself.. How far would you go to hurt me? Afraid to ask for help..Who would believe me over you?

My INTIMIDATION was like a drug for you. You reveled in the fact that I’d flinch if you moved to fast or become nervous at the sound of your voice.

Suffering all of this at the hands of a man I was to spend the rest of my life with literally rendered me POWERLESS.

THE CONFRONTATION
It was May 2010, I believe the date fell on a Friday. I stood in my closet attempting to ready myself for my grandmother’s wake. I was stricken with FEAR and ANXIETY over the fact that he would be there. But this time was very different. What made this moment different from many others was my decision to stand up and FIGHT! It was in that closet, at that very moment that I decided it was time to TAKE MY POWER BACK!!!

This is where the CONFRONTATION began. I waged war against every lie you ever planted in my mind. The public shaming and bullying I had to endure. Your harsh, cruel words with the intent to break me. The intimidation by a man that was supposed to love, protect and honor me. But instead left me mentally battered and in fear for my life!! Sixteen years I allowed your brokenness and weakness to render me Powerless, but NO MORE!!!!!

NO MORE will I be bullied, nor intimidated by ANY other human being!! You bleed red just like I do. You must answer to the same God that I do! So you don’t get the right the treat me like I’m inferior to you in any way, shape or form!!

NO MORE will I ever give another person the opportunity to feel that they make or break me. For I have given all of my broken pieces to the Potter, who has and continues to make and mold me into the picture of perfection that He has always seen me to be.

NO MORE will I live in fear of you or what you threaten to do to me. For my God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of Power and Love and of a sound mind!!! I'VE GOT A SOUND MIND!!!

NO MORE will I allow you to render me Powerless!! For I serve a God that has ALL Power in His hands and as His child that same Power dwells within me.

MY IDENTITY
I now know who I am and Whose I am.

I AM a child of God. I AM the daughter of a King. I AM the apple of His eye. I AM a virtuous woman whose value is far above rubies. I AM blessed and highly favored. I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I AM God’s MASTERPIECE. I am LaShawn Spry and ……

I AM A COMEBACK WOMAN!!!!!!

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NOTE FROM THIS BLOGGER:
The accounts of this blog are from my real life story for the purpose of bringing awareness to women on the truth about domestic violence.

Domestic Violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. It also comes in many forms, including but not limited to physical, emotional and mental abuse. The effects of the abuse can last long after you have separated yourself from the abuser.

If you have found yourself in a violent situation, first know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! Second, know that YOU CAN GET OUT!!!!! There are SEVERAL programs tailor made to help you get out and get on your feet. Please contact your local police department or church for help TODAY!!!

YES getting out and healing will be a process. NO it will NOT be easy, but YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!! Telling you what I know.....

All my Love,
Your Purpose Pusher

I Have a Dream...but is that enough???

Have you ever had the pleasure (or utter gloom, depending on how you perceive them) of meeting a dreamer?? You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The ones that have a precise picture in their minds eye of the exact way their lives should be. I mean from career to the car they'll drive. The house they will own and the neighborhood in which the house should be built. They know the amount of money they want to make and the kind of person they will share it with. (oh yeah, they really are that detailed) Dreamers have a vivid imagination and picture of their fantasy life, which makes operating in the day to day mundane of real life somewhat difficult and for some it can be downright depressing. On the other hand, the beauty of a dreamer is that they are very much in tune with their inner desires and hopes. They are also very rarely driven by the almighty dollar. Instead, it is passion and desire that drives them. They are pushed by the hope that one day they will actually live outwardly, the inner dream. Yet the problem is, they have no concept of HOW to attain it!

Just in case you're wondering what makes me such a "know it all" when it comes to the dreamer, I myself used to be one!! As far back as I can remember my life was GRAND...in my mind anyway. As a matter of fact, I lived life more peacefully in my mind than I ever did in the real world. I also recognized at an early age that my perception of life was very much different from the people around me. I knew that I was special ( in a good way, lol) and I possessed some unique characteristics and gifts that would eventually make me Great. While all of this was fantastic, at 39 years old I realized not many things in my life match the picture I'd created for myself, since I was about five years old. Now the question becomes, "What am I missing?"

I began an intense self examination process. I picked apart my thoughts, actions, my work ethic as well as my focus. I then started to study the people I considered to be successful. People that were already living the life I wanted for myself. I found that while all of these people started with a dream, unlike me, they didn't stop there. Every successful person had vision! They created a clear picture of what they wanted to accomplish and then developed the strategy (step by step process) to make it happen. Both of these are essential to living out the dream. While the vision is your "What", meaning what it is that you are working towards. Strategy becomes your "How", exactly how you will make this happen. The moment you have a clear picture of where you're going and how you're going to get there, you stop merely being a dreamer, you become a Visionary!

Understand, while every visionary has a dream, not every dreamer is a visionary. Knowing this, if YOU want to live the life you've created in your mind and heart, simply having the dream is not enough. You must become a Visionary! As a visionary you have a clear and precise vision that you are able to clearly articulate that vision to your team. (Yes team! Contrary to popular belief, no one does it alone) Then you develop a strategy, which is the step by step process utilized to birth the vision. Lastly, you implement the vision!

I must be honest and say I still have those moments when I slip back into the abyss of dreamville. Now my visits are very different. Now I intentionally snatch up my dreams and turn them into vision! I have been blessed with a team of people that believe in the vision, so they motivate, encourage me and help me do the work. In turn, I am well on my way to making all of my dreams, my current reality.

Time to get out of your head dreamer and let's put in the necessary work to Becoming!!! Power and Purpose to you beautiful people!!

Lady Spry
Your Purpose Pusher