Your Purpose Pusher is Born!!!!!!!

I used to hear my mom use a phrase that goes something like this, "The blind leading the blind and they all gone fall in a ditch." As a child the quote was somewhat humorous to me. My thought of course was, "Why would a blind person even attempt to lead someone else around??" Well as I got older, I realized the statement was a metaphor used to accurately describe a common scenario that occurs in real life every single day. Everywhere, everyday someone is attempting to give advice or instruction on life situations and circumstances that they either haven't applied themselves or they have and it didn't work! Then on the other end there's some poor, unsuspecting soul listening to them, mainly out of desperation for some immediate relief or change!! Hence, the blind leading the blind...

TRANSPARENCY ALERT!!!! (that just means I'm about to share something painful about myself with hopes that it will help someone else) So about two years ago this blind person attempting to lead was, ME. I'd been a first lady for about a year and a half and I realized my purpose was tied to women. My desire to see women spiritually, mentally and emotionally whole had become my passion and I was ready to walk in that. I prayed about it and then I went to my husband (who is also my pastor), told him what I'd been talking to God about and asked him what he thought. As always he was behind me 100% with whatever vision God would give me. Yet, because he knows his wife (when my wheels get to turning ya'll I MOVE, no hesitation)he did urge me to stay before God to be sure I was well prepared for the task and for His perfect timing. Needless to say very soon after this conversation my first event was planned!!

The first event exceeded my expectations!! Almost 30 women showed up ready to be transparent with their stories and open to receive whatever nuggets of wisdom would be offered. These women were ready to be complete and made whole. The only one in the room who's story and feelings were still safely tucked away in her shell of safety...yeap, you guessed it.. ME!!! I had all my perfect little notes all together in my perfect little folder, highlighted just perfectly and my "must say" principles written in bold ink off to the side. I had the room all decorated in beautiful bright colors and the refreshments table was laid just beautifully. Without even realizing it, I'd placed my mask on just right before I entered the room, so that I could safely teach without being taught. So that I could publicly give without seeming as if I needed to receive anything. Surely these women wouldn't listen to me if I didn't have it all together. Surely I can't share my brokenness with the very women I'm suppose to be helping? Surely I'm not ready to tell the truth, my whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me...God really?? BUT, was that not the very thing I was encouraging and asking of these women???

Exactly one year later, almost to the day of the first event, this group of women had completely crumbled. I left these women not only questioning my Purpose, but questioning my relationship with God. What happened? Why would you put me in this position? Why would you tell me to do this just to watch me fail? I thought you said this was my purpose. Why didn't you help me? (sooooooooooooooo easy for us to immediately blame God instead of looking at self) I was so confused and hurt. Oh, the pity party was definitely in FULL AFFECT!!!! Yet, instead of dealing with the pain I did what I was used to doing, masked it by getting busy and throwing myself into a whole new project!!!

THIS TOO FELL APART!!! This time my heart was shattered. My faith was broken. I was literally jilted into a full blown bout with depression and I didn't think I was going to make it. I prayed like I never have before. Not so much talking, but LISTENING for God's voice. He finally said, "Shawn you're doing this all wrong. You're trying to help and heal everyone around you without revealing your own brokenness." I was encouraging women to be open, but wasn't practicing the same degree of vulnerability. I was attempting to lead blind women, while voluntarily remaining blind myself. I must have cried for a week straight. Not just for me, but for the women that depended on me, looked up to me. My God, in His infinite wisdom, was stripping me of the deception that pretending to be perfect brings and replaced it with the beauty and truth carried in pain and brokenness. Once again, I had safely become marred clay in the gentle hands of the Potter.

Now, only a few months later, I sit and write this part of my story to you as an imperfect vessel. I stand before you a Humbled, Wounded, Grateful, Vulnerable, Purposeful woman. A woman that is still and Forever will be.. Becoming! Becoming all that God purposed for her to be and helping other women to do the very same. Born out of pain, transparency and necessity, I am La Shawn Spry and I AM Your Purpose Pusher!!!!

La Shawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher