I'm Not That Girl...Sorry, Not Sorry!

God and I have been having some interesting conversations lately. The main topic of discussion has been "What would you have me to do? I belong to You, I'm Your vessel for You to use as You see fit. I hear you telling me to speak, but seriously who even wants to listen to me??" Now let me tell you the root of this conversation and reason for these insecurities. You know how you sometimes look around at the people that are actually doing the very thing that your heart desires to do and you can't help but commit that ultimate faux pas (that's just a fancy way of saying mistake that I just learned from friend in my head Phaedra) and you begin to COMPARE?!?! Well, that's what I'd started to do.

I LOVE ministering to women with all my heart!!! God has given me the gift of encouraging, inspiring and empowering women to live spiritually and emotionally healed and whole. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THIS IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE! (This is where the "faux pas" come in) The women that are doing what I've been called to do don't quite look like me.. at least her background doesn't match mine! She went to college right out of high school, after graduating with honors. She began working at the Church where she grew up and faithfully served in ministry. She began gleaning from the leaders in preparation for the future she knew she had in ministry. She married her college sweetheart who also attended the church and worked in ministry. They've been together for 20 years and are raising their 3 children under one roof. Her husband supports the family financially while she goes to seminary and obtains her masters degree in Theology. Now she's preaching, teaching and ministering the Word to women all over the world and has become a household name. She's living her dream (seemingly my dream) just like she planned, ( wish I'd stuck to my plan) just like the vision God gave her (and me so I thought) for her life. (but what about my life?!?)

WELL, it's obvious that this is NOT my story! You see, I'm not the girl in my head that I constantly compare myself to. I'm not the girl that followed the straight and narrow path and did everything right. I'm not the girl that fell in line with the legacy of my perfect sisters or heeded the warnings of my mother. I'm not the girl that learned from others mistakes in hopes of never following their footsteps. Nope, I'M NOT THAT GIRL!! My walk was not THAT walk!

On the contrary, I am the girl that learned everything the hard way. The girl that made mistakes over and over and over and over and over again. I'm the girl that lived life with her hands in the air and her feet on the gas! (Thanks India) I never went to college and failed at marriage. I'm the girl that chose tattoos, body piercings and alcohol in failed attempts to drown out my spiritual foundation, personal convictions and truth. I am the girl who's life was filled with turmoil and pain, bad decisions and consequences. THIS is my story. One of disobedience and distance, guilt and shame.

Then God begins to speak (remember this is a conversation) and in all of His infinite wisdom reveals what my tale TRULY is. He says, "True this is all part of your story. But more importantly, yours is a picture of My Grace and Mercy, Love and Forgiveness. It is the epitome of Repentance and Redemption, Victory and Triumph. You are the my sheep that was lost and is now found; you were blinded by sin, but now can clearly see. Your brokenness has been healed, your mind renewed and spirit liberated! Now you are capable of being the vessel that I always intended for you to be."

My Passion and Purpose is to minister Truth to women. Not the perfect, but to the imperfect like me!! The hurting, broken, those weighted down with guilt and shame. Women that have made mistake after mistake after mistake, bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. You who feel that you've gone too far and there is no way out. I was sent for you!! My story is for you!! I've been called to remind you of a few important things:

1)God STILL Loves you!!!!
2)There is NO mistake or bad decision that will ever change God's Love for you.
3)God is waiting patiently for you with His arms open wide, to heal EVERY hurt and carry EVERY burden that you bare.
4)You can be COMPLETELY healed and whole. As long as you're breathing there is Hope...DON'T GIVE UP!!!

I don't know who I'm writing this for, but you know who you are. You know if this has touched to your heart. God is calling for you imperfect girl! He is knocking at the door of your heart...please don't ignore Him. Have a conversation with Him, He's ALWAYS listening! He wants to give you beauty in place of the ugliness and Purpose for all of the pain you've endured.

It's your time, Our time!! Time for the imperfect girls to stand up, Healed, Whole and Free to take our rightful place in the Kingdom as representatives, not of our imperfections, but as a representation of our PERFECT GOD!!!!!!!!

I Love you Ladies...

La Shawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

Your Purpose Pusher is Born!!!!!!!

I used to hear my mom use a phrase that goes something like this, "The blind leading the blind and they all gone fall in a ditch." As a child the quote was somewhat humorous to me. My thought of course was, "Why would a blind person even attempt to lead someone else around??" Well as I got older, I realized the statement was a metaphor used to accurately describe a common scenario that occurs in real life every single day. Everywhere, everyday someone is attempting to give advice or instruction on life situations and circumstances that they either haven't applied themselves or they have and it didn't work! Then on the other end there's some poor, unsuspecting soul listening to them, mainly out of desperation for some immediate relief or change!! Hence, the blind leading the blind...

TRANSPARENCY ALERT!!!! (that just means I'm about to share something painful about myself with hopes that it will help someone else) So about two years ago this blind person attempting to lead was, ME. I'd been a first lady for about a year and a half and I realized my purpose was tied to women. My desire to see women spiritually, mentally and emotionally whole had become my passion and I was ready to walk in that. I prayed about it and then I went to my husband (who is also my pastor), told him what I'd been talking to God about and asked him what he thought. As always he was behind me 100% with whatever vision God would give me. Yet, because he knows his wife (when my wheels get to turning ya'll I MOVE, no hesitation)he did urge me to stay before God to be sure I was well prepared for the task and for His perfect timing. Needless to say very soon after this conversation my first event was planned!!

The first event exceeded my expectations!! Almost 30 women showed up ready to be transparent with their stories and open to receive whatever nuggets of wisdom would be offered. These women were ready to be complete and made whole. The only one in the room who's story and feelings were still safely tucked away in her shell of safety...yeap, you guessed it.. ME!!! I had all my perfect little notes all together in my perfect little folder, highlighted just perfectly and my "must say" principles written in bold ink off to the side. I had the room all decorated in beautiful bright colors and the refreshments table was laid just beautifully. Without even realizing it, I'd placed my mask on just right before I entered the room, so that I could safely teach without being taught. So that I could publicly give without seeming as if I needed to receive anything. Surely these women wouldn't listen to me if I didn't have it all together. Surely I can't share my brokenness with the very women I'm suppose to be helping? Surely I'm not ready to tell the truth, my whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me...God really?? BUT, was that not the very thing I was encouraging and asking of these women???

Exactly one year later, almost to the day of the first event, this group of women had completely crumbled. I left these women not only questioning my Purpose, but questioning my relationship with God. What happened? Why would you put me in this position? Why would you tell me to do this just to watch me fail? I thought you said this was my purpose. Why didn't you help me? (sooooooooooooooo easy for us to immediately blame God instead of looking at self) I was so confused and hurt. Oh, the pity party was definitely in FULL AFFECT!!!! Yet, instead of dealing with the pain I did what I was used to doing, masked it by getting busy and throwing myself into a whole new project!!!

THIS TOO FELL APART!!! This time my heart was shattered. My faith was broken. I was literally jilted into a full blown bout with depression and I didn't think I was going to make it. I prayed like I never have before. Not so much talking, but LISTENING for God's voice. He finally said, "Shawn you're doing this all wrong. You're trying to help and heal everyone around you without revealing your own brokenness." I was encouraging women to be open, but wasn't practicing the same degree of vulnerability. I was attempting to lead blind women, while voluntarily remaining blind myself. I must have cried for a week straight. Not just for me, but for the women that depended on me, looked up to me. My God, in His infinite wisdom, was stripping me of the deception that pretending to be perfect brings and replaced it with the beauty and truth carried in pain and brokenness. Once again, I had safely become marred clay in the gentle hands of the Potter.

Now, only a few months later, I sit and write this part of my story to you as an imperfect vessel. I stand before you a Humbled, Wounded, Grateful, Vulnerable, Purposeful woman. A woman that is still and Forever will be.. Becoming! Becoming all that God purposed for her to be and helping other women to do the very same. Born out of pain, transparency and necessity, I am La Shawn Spry and I AM Your Purpose Pusher!!!!

La Shawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

Being a "Lady" is DOPE!!!!!!

So, yesterday was mommy/daughter day for me and my 19 year old. Between work, school and her social life our one on one time is rare, yet still important, so we make it happen whenever we can! Anyway, as we sat there chatting and my baby is catching me up on everything that's been going on in her life, the strangest thing started to happen. I started to "see" her. (stay with me I'm going somewhere, lol) Okay, you remember the movie Avatar right? (I know good and well ALL of ya'll said YES!!) Well, remember the part where Zoe Saldana's character, Neytiri, told her love interest, Jake, "I see you"?? Well, THAT's what I'm talking about. Like I wasn't just listening to her words or looking at her face. For the first time, I was really "seeing" her. I noticed the fact that she speaks with her eyes, just like me and her smile lights up a room. I paid attention to how clearly she articulates her thoughts and feelings, with sincerity, honesty and conviction. I realized her body language exuded the confidence that she fought all of her life to obtain and the strength she'd gained in the process. Her voice inflection and words breathed both kindness and passion. I also saw the potential of the BEAST she'd involuntarily inherited from both her father and I. Although tamed by the power of awareness, still ever so present. I could go on and on, but my point is, yesterday I could see the strong foundation of a beautifully intelligent young lady. Not a hoe or a trick, not a b*^ch, video vixen, hot girl or a THOT. On the contrary, my baby girl has become an exquisitely DOPE young WOMAN!!!!!!

I can already hear the voices out there, "Well why does she seem surprised???" To be honest, I am sincerely grateful!! Just in case you haven't been paying attention for the last 20 years, allow me to catch you up. In our current society, being a "Lady" has seemingly become obsolete!!! It seems to be some type of farce to this generation to carry yourself in a manner deserving of the respect and honor. When I was growing up the caliber of women that I had to look up to was so very different from the examples our babies have now. Now let me clarify MY perception of what a Lady is, so there's no confusion on what I mean. To me a Lady is graceful and poised, elegant and classy. She is both compassionate and kind, yet strong and no nonsense. She carries herself with dignity and gives others the respect she expects to receive. She fears God and Loves His people. She prays and she serves Church and community. She Loves her family unconditionally and she protects them by any means necessary. She is quiet and observant. When she enters the room, her very presence commands the attention of all.

This description may sound like a fairy tale to some, but for me I see this woman vividly! I call THIS woman Mommy, Auntie, Sister, Cousin, Teacher, First Lady. From the women in my family, to the teachers in my elementary school (who by the way were all over the age of 40 back then), even to the women I admired on television and in music and the movies (Phylicia Rashad, Cicely Tyson, Diahann Caroll, Lena Horne, etc.). When I was growing up, there were examples of women all around me as a reminder that "Being a Lady" is DOPE!!! They were a constant reminder that you can be sexy, without being naked. You speak, before you've said a word. You can be flirty, without being trashy. You can be soft and not be a doormat. You can be sassy and stand on what you believe, without being rude and condescending. They taught me to know my worth, know who I am, to never compromise my values and morals. They taught me to stand for something or I'll fall for anything. They taught me to be a forever student and continue learning life's lessons and teaching what I learn. They taught me to own my past with pride because every experience creates the woman I am to Become. They taught me Self Love, Self Care, Self Acceptance and Self Confidence. They taught me that the truth will always out live a lie and to hold my head up high, NO MATTER WHAT!!

So to mommy, auntie, sisters, cousins, teachers and even actresses I want to say THANK YOU!! Thank you for carrying yourselves in a manner that constantly and consistently exuded characteristics of the woman within. Thank you for giving me the qualities and teaching me the lessons that I can now pass on to my daughters and granddaughters and great granddaughters. Thank you for cultivating all the potential I carry within. And most importantly, thank you for showing me that "Being a Lady" is STILL absolutely, positively, unquestionably and undeniably.... DOPE!!!!!!!

Befriend DOPE Ladies, Raise DOPE Ladies, BECOME DOPE LADIES,

LaShawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

I Have a Dream...but is that enough???

Have you ever had the pleasure (or utter gloom, depending on how you perceive them) of meeting a dreamer?? You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The ones that have a precise picture in their minds eye of the exact way their lives should be. I mean from career to the car they'll drive. The house they will own and the neighborhood in which the house should be built. They know the amount of money they want to make and the kind of person they will share it with. (oh yeah, they really are that detailed) Dreamers have a vivid imagination and picture of their fantasy life, which makes operating in the day to day mundane of real life somewhat difficult and for some it can be downright depressing. On the other hand, the beauty of a dreamer is that they are very much in tune with their inner desires and hopes. They are also very rarely driven by the almighty dollar. Instead, it is passion and desire that drives them. They are pushed by the hope that one day they will actually live outwardly, the inner dream. Yet the problem is, they have no concept of HOW to attain it!

Just in case you're wondering what makes me such a "know it all" when it comes to the dreamer, I myself used to be one!! As far back as I can remember my life was GRAND...in my mind anyway. As a matter of fact, I lived life more peacefully in my mind than I ever did in the real world. I also recognized at an early age that my perception of life was very much different from the people around me. I knew that I was special ( in a good way, lol) and I possessed some unique characteristics and gifts that would eventually make me Great. While all of this was fantastic, at 39 years old I realized not many things in my life match the picture I'd created for myself, since I was about five years old. Now the question becomes, "What am I missing?"

I began an intense self examination process. I picked apart my thoughts, actions, my work ethic as well as my focus. I then started to study the people I considered to be successful. People that were already living the life I wanted for myself. I found that while all of these people started with a dream, unlike me, they didn't stop there. Every successful person had vision! They created a clear picture of what they wanted to accomplish and then developed the strategy (step by step process) to make it happen. Both of these are essential to living out the dream. While the vision is your "What", meaning what it is that you are working towards. Strategy becomes your "How", exactly how you will make this happen. The moment you have a clear picture of where you're going and how you're going to get there, you stop merely being a dreamer, you become a Visionary!

Understand, while every visionary has a dream, not every dreamer is a visionary. Knowing this, if YOU want to live the life you've created in your mind and heart, simply having the dream is not enough. You must become a Visionary! As a visionary you have a clear and precise vision that you are able to clearly articulate that vision to your team. (Yes team! Contrary to popular belief, no one does it alone) Then you develop a strategy, which is the step by step process utilized to birth the vision. Lastly, you implement the vision!

I must be honest and say I still have those moments when I slip back into the abyss of dreamville. Now my visits are very different. Now I intentionally snatch up my dreams and turn them into vision! I have been blessed with a team of people that believe in the vision, so they motivate, encourage me and help me do the work. In turn, I am well on my way to making all of my dreams, my current reality.

Time to get out of your head dreamer and let's put in the necessary work to Becoming!!! Power and Purpose to you beautiful people!!

Lady Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

It's Never Too Late To Be What You Should've Been!!!!

Last night my husband and I had the humbling opportunity of hosting a segment on The Curve internet radio show on www.yopodner.fm. For me, the experience was both mind blowing and heart wrenching. I know that sounds oxymoronic. Truth is as excited as I was for the favorable circumstances, I was just as consumed by the immediate thought that, at almost 40 years old, I have yet to completely walk in and live out my passion and purpose!! My mind just kept repeating, "So much potential, so little time." How could I have allowed myself to waste so much time, miss so many opportunities. My thoughts became so loud on the ride home that I literally wanted to SCREAM!!!

Then it came to me. I've given this career 18 years of my life and now it's in my way. I'M DONE!!! I'm going to go out and make my dreams my realities! I'm going to stop talking about it and JUST DO IT!!! I have gifts and talents! I am gifted and I carry valuable information, from my knowledge and experiences, that I can use to help powerful women become their very best selves. I'm not sitting on all that God has placed in me anymore! I look over at my husband (Yeap, he's always my go to person when my thoughts take off and leave me). "Baby, I hate my job and I'm not going back. I'm going to pursue my purpose fulltime!!" I gave him statistic after statistic. I named women that are doing it and successful at it. I remind him of my gifts and passions. My creative ideas and the visions God has placed in me. He lets me go on and on and on. Then once I stop he says, "Baby, you never have to go back to a job you're not happy with, but how are going to fund the vision? Don't you think it would be wise to strategically plan your transition?" And there it was.. just the reality check I needed!

There are times when the oddest things will set fire to our tail feathers. For me it was the fact that I'm almost 40. For you it could be missed opportunities, closed doors, mental stagnation or even watching someone else function successfully in a lane you desire in your heart to move in. Whatever the source of the fire, REFUSE TO BE COMSUMED!! Use the fire as fuel to get you where you need to be!! These are the steps we're going to take to get us there...

1. Be clear about your Vision. Write it down and look at it EVERYDAY!
2. Develop a team that believes in you and your vision. These are not necessarily friends, but people that can see what you see. They will be your blades (thank you Evangelist Ryan), they sharpen your mind, push you to take risks, hold you accountable and keep you focused.
3. Create a strategic plan. Be clear about the steps you will need to take. DO YOUR RESEARCH!
4. Set realistic goals. Build a timeline and stick to it!
5. Persevere past obstacles. Through tears, fears, doubts, concerns, naysayers, folks opinions, Keep Going! QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!
6. Remain focused on the big picture. Keep the reason you're doing all of this in front of you. This will keep you Motivated.
7. Put in the Hard Work. You won't accomplish anything merely talking and writing. Get up and get your grind on!!! This is when others will begin to take you seriously.
8. Finally, Endure until you physically see the results of your labor!!

You're not alone in this. We all have that "Should've Could've Would've" syndrome at one point or another, but we don't have to stay there!!! God woke you up because He still has Purpose within you! You haven't reached your full potential! You haven't yet maxed out in this life! And for those that are still stuck in that "ould've" syndrome, just know our truth is "It's never too late to be what you should've could've would've been!" Be inspired and inspire someone else!!

Love you all to pieces! LET'S GO!!!

Lady Spry
The Purpose Pusher

The Process to Becoming.....

"You quit!" she said, well typed, to me. It felt like she'd punched me in the gut, literally. No seriously, I said "OUCH" out loud!! I told her, "No, I just stopped because I wasn't reaching anyone." She responded, "You didn't give it time!" "You're right." I digressed. "I guess I did q...qui..." I didn't even want to use that word, referring to myself. "Quit! YOU QUIT!!!!" with her helpful self.

It's 11:30 at night, I have to be up for work in 5 hours and now my mind is racing with no end in sight. A quitter?? Me?!?! I'm a lot of things, even some negative that I own up to, but I've NEVER been a quitter. At least I don't think so. "Baby?!" I call out to my poor, unsuspecting husband. He has no idea the level of animation he's about to walk into! LOL "Yes", he answers. "K just called me a quitter! Do you think I'm a quitter?" Without hesitation he looks me in the eye and says, "Shawn you are." Again, my wind was gone. This time my eyes begin to well up with tears. At that moment my straight forward, yet sweet husband tries to clean it up by saying, "Okay maybe not a quitter, but when things get rough you're ready to walk away and not look back. Your passion gets you started, but it doesn't keep you going." Sounds a lot like quitting to me.

There I was, now at 11:42pm, forced to look within and perform an intense self examination. (remember I'm already a passionate person, so yes it was INTENSE...smh) I begin to play the mental reel of my life. From every decision as far back as I could remember, to every project I'd began and never completed, to the marriage I'd walked away from. Wait, was that my fault?! Did I give up to easily?? Should I have stayed in the verbal and physical abuse and control??? Oh, HECK NAW!! You going to far now girl!!! (that was the voice of rational in my head speaking loud and clear with her perfect time, as usual)

Listen, one of the single most difficult and yet most valuable principles you will ever embrace is to SEE YOU FOR EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE and BE HONEST ABOUT IT! Begin to except the grime in you, as you do the great. Don't be fooled, we all have them both! Not one person is exempt. God, in His infinite wisdom, created us all as such so no one of us could cast the first stone at the other! (one more reason to Love Him!!) The moment you begin to do the grunge work of looking within, then honestly and openly except ALL of you, this will be the moment you begin your own personal process to BECOME! Become better, Become wiser, Become stronger, Become the Greatest, most Powerful within, the being that is YOU!!

I challenge each of you to take the journey with me. Successfully live out the evolutionary process of BECOMING!! She ready...LET's GO!!!!!

Lady Spry <3 The Purpose Pusher