I Never Promised You Perfect

"I'm tired of being your dumping ground. It's really getting a little old." I remember a time when those words would feel like a gut punch. A time when they would've broken my spirit and thrown me into a tail spin of confusion and shame. Confusion because I would take his words to mean "me being me at my worst" was getting old and unbearable. Then shame would've been at the fact that I wasn't becoming better quickly enough. Just like that I would beat myself up for not being good enough, whole enough, well enough. I would've told myself I didn't deserve you, didn't deserve the happiness I'd found, we'd found.

Not this time!!! This time I combate those thoughts, those lies with the truth. No I'm not perfect and as long as I'm on this Earth and in this flesh, I never will be. As a matter of fact neither will you!! And I'm okay with that because I never promised you perfect. I'm okay with my flaws and imperfections. I'm good with the journey I'm on and the pace in which I'm growing. It may be slow, but it's steady and consistent. I'm fine with the me that I give you and all that she encompasses.

I never promised you perfection. I promised you truth, even when it hurts. I promised you patience and kindness, during our most challenging days. I promised support; to be your number one cheerleader in all of you endeavors. I promised to keep our family covered in prayer. I promised to carry your vision; to be your midwife in the birthing process. I promised you hope of a bright future, faith in an infallible God and unconditional love for the rest of our lives.

None of us as human beings are perfect. No matter how deeply you love someone, not one of us can promise, nor will we ever receive perfection. However, we do serve a perfect God that loves us right where we are. He has predestined our path long before we were formed in our mothers womb. A path that consists of highs and lows, lessons and blessing that will ultimately shape and form us into the flawless creatures that He created us to be. Until then He equips us with enough grace and mercy to sustain on the journey. In doing so He teaches us how to extend that same grace and mercy, to one another!


Can we promise perfection. No. Yet, we CAN offer grace to keep us covered on the journey and mercy to protect us along the path to our perfect place, in Christ Jesus!!


LaShawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

I am Forever Becoming....

I am the baby girl of six children born to Margret, who was a nurse and grade school teacher, and Freddie who was a state worker and pastor. All five of my siblings were intelligent, talented and hard working. Each of them also developed a relationship with God at a young age. As you could probably imagine, being born into a family like this came with it's own degree of pressure. There was pressure from my parents to meet the standards of respect, competence and independency they demanded from all of their children. Then there was the pressure of meeting the expectations set for me by my older siblings. Let's not forget the pressure placed on me by the "church" based solely on the fact that I was a preacher's kid. Lastly the pressure I placed on myself not to let them down. Sometimes I wonder if any of us took into consideration the fact that God had my path mapped out before I was ever even thought about!

Anyway, as you can probably already imagine I folded under all of this pressure. Every bar I'd reach for, instead of obtaining them, I seemed to push them further away. The more I'd attempt to please everyone and make them proud of me, the more miserably I'd fail. The more I failed, the more comfortable I'd become with the title of being a failure. At least in the eyes of my parents, siblings and the Church. Yet, the world seemed to embrace me exactly as I was. Bad decisions, mistakes, failures, I seemed to be accepted as the picture of imperfection that I was, with no pressure. So I stopped trying to please church and family and began pleasing the world and self. Still having yet to realize this was all part of God's ultimate plan for my life.

From the age of 18 until about 31 I intentionally rebelled. Every expectation set for me and boundary placed on me, I ignored. All of the pressure I'd lived under for 18 years of my life that kept me feeling inadequate and suppressed, in my mind I'd finally broken free from. I made it my business to go as far left as I possibly could. Everything they said don't do, I did. Everywhere they said don't go, I went. I pushed the envelope, went against the grain, ruffled feathers. THAT's what I was good at. I wasn't good at following the path already set by others; the one everyone thought I should. I wasn't like everyone else and I was comfortable with that. At this point I resolved in my mind that I had to blaze my own trail. Where their journey was straight, mine would be crooked. Where theirs seemed smooth, my process was going to be rocky and bumpy. I was fine with it.

When I finally gave my life to Christ at the age of 31, I was initially ashamed of my process, the path I'd taken in life. I didn't want to expose the things I'd been through or done. However, as I learned the power of grace and mercy, I became stronger and more confident in my skin. The fact that God was the One that kept me and He was the reason I was still alive gave my process power. I knew every part of my story was necessary, every detail intentional.  God would use my past faults, failures and flaws to assist me in becoming the virtuous woman that He created me to be.

Little did I know God would use me to do a new thing. All of my past experiences were just part of the process of creating Forever Becoming. A blueprint for imperfect vessels, like me, to follow. God knew that there would be an entire group of us, all across that world, that may fail under expectations of man. Yet, those human failures, in the eyes of God, translate into "Forever Becoming".

Forever Becoming is a mentoring movement inspired by God and created by me to assist the powerful, purposeful woman in the continual, evolution process of BECOMING! Forever Becoming means to choose every single day to be...
1. Brave
2. Exquisite
3. Confident
4. Optimistic
5. Motivated
6. Intentional
7. of Noble Character
8. a Goal Digger

This is not a process of perfection, nor is it about meeting the expectations and bars set for you by man. It is for the sole purpose of always striving towards and choosing to be the woman that God created and called you to be. A blue print to assist us in fulfilling His plan and purpose for our lives. With the ultimate goal of leaving this world completely empty.

It is my prayer that we all strive to be Forever Becoming.

All my Love,
LaShawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher

Open Letter To My Future Self.....

Dear Future Self,

There are a few things that I need you to know....

First I need you to know that I believe in you!!! I believe in every dream you will ever dream and I know that you have the power and ability to make them all your reality. Know that you are smart and strong, witty and charismatic. You are beautiful both inside and out. You are graceful, poised, well spoken, intelligent and you possess a magnetic energy that fills any room you enter. Your smile exudes the joy and confidence you carry within and your laugh is infectious! You have worked so hard and overcome so much to become the woman that you always carried within; NEVER compromise her for anything or anyone!!!

I need you to know that the huge heart that God has given you is a blessing! And although it may leave you susceptible to immense hurt, it will also allow you to love people purely and deeply as God has charged you to.

I need you to know that you have been given a natural ability to encourage and empower those around you. God allows you to push to the surface all that a person carries within. Because of this gift, you will attract all kinds of people with a variety of intentions and agendas. Know that it is okay to protect yourself by creating personal boundaries. Realize to be close to you is a privilege that you can not afford to just anyone. And no matter how you feel, know that you are never alone. God is always with you and He is strategic about the people He has connected you to.

I need you to know that no matter how much Love and kindness you show to everyone around you, some people will become offended that they are not a part of your inner circle. Understand that this is THEIR issue, not yours!! Do not bend or allow guilt to take a seat in your heart or mind, ever!!! Your responsibility is to exercise wisdom and your innate ability to discern those around you. Recognize those that are God connections and weed out the rest!

I need you to know that every decision I make now and will make in the future, I do so with you in mind. I maintain my focus for you. I allow relationships to develop and/or dissolve with your best interest at heart. I study diligently and cultivate my potential in hopes of living out our God given Purpose. I pray fervently for you. I fight every moment of every day, so that you will become the woman you were created to be. I cry for you, hope for you, ache for you. I LOVE YOU and I will PUSH you to become Totally, Completely, Undeniably and Unapologetically GREAT!!!!!

LaShawn Spry
Your Purpose Pusher
Empower. Inspire. Encourage.

My "ComeBack Woman" Monologue

THE TRUTH
1 in every 4 women will become victims of some form of severe violence by an intimate partner in her lifetime. I realized the hard way “I AM THAT ONE.”

MY TRUTH
It was May 2010, I believe the date fell on a Friday. I stood in my closet attempting to ready myself for my grandmother’s wake. When all of a sudden I found myself lost in a sea of weighted, depressing thoughts. Now, you would think I would’ve been stricken with the obvious feelings of grief due to the fact that I was preparing to say my final goodbye’s to my 95 year old grandmother. But no, this wasn’t grief at all. In actuality, I was experiencing feelings of fear and anxiety due to the fact that “he” would be there.

You see for over ten years “he” served as a source of not only physical, but mental abuse for me. And although I was physically removed from the marriage, the effects of years of torment and mistreatment was still stuck in my head. He had become the very bane of my existence so much so, that even after 6 years divorced, the mere thought of being in close proximity with this man slammed me right back into an extremely dark mental space.

A 10 year marriage that had been dissolved for 6 years, was STILL CONTROLLING ME.

MY STORY
You see as a preachers’ daughter, the shame of being pregnant at 17 years old and unmarried left me in a vulnerable place. I was susceptible to being deceived by the lies of the enemy. And that’s exactly what began to happen. Amidst a foundation of BROKENNESS, you begin to build a tower of lies.

Very quickly after “I Do” began the BULLYING. You made me feel as if you were superior because of your financial status and your degrees on the walls. After all, you were well spoken, well dressed. You had a career, your own car and secured bank accounts. You didn’t me…I, I was the one that needed you… or so it was burned into my brain to believe.

Almost automatically FEAR effortlessly set in. I was afraid to leave..How would I make it without you? Afraid to defend myself.. How far would you go to hurt me? Afraid to ask for help..Who would believe me over you?

My INTIMIDATION was like a drug for you. You reveled in the fact that I’d flinch if you moved to fast or become nervous at the sound of your voice.

Suffering all of this at the hands of a man I was to spend the rest of my life with literally rendered me POWERLESS.

THE CONFRONTATION
It was May 2010, I believe the date fell on a Friday. I stood in my closet attempting to ready myself for my grandmother’s wake. I was stricken with FEAR and ANXIETY over the fact that he would be there. But this time was very different. What made this moment different from many others was my decision to stand up and FIGHT! It was in that closet, at that very moment that I decided it was time to TAKE MY POWER BACK!!!

This is where the CONFRONTATION began. I waged war against every lie you ever planted in my mind. The public shaming and bullying I had to endure. Your harsh, cruel words with the intent to break me. The intimidation by a man that was supposed to love, protect and honor me. But instead left me mentally battered and in fear for my life!! Sixteen years I allowed your brokenness and weakness to render me Powerless, but NO MORE!!!!!

NO MORE will I be bullied, nor intimidated by ANY other human being!! You bleed red just like I do. You must answer to the same God that I do! So you don’t get the right the treat me like I’m inferior to you in any way, shape or form!!

NO MORE will I ever give another person the opportunity to feel that they make or break me. For I have given all of my broken pieces to the Potter, who has and continues to make and mold me into the picture of perfection that He has always seen me to be.

NO MORE will I live in fear of you or what you threaten to do to me. For my God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of Power and Love and of a sound mind!!! I'VE GOT A SOUND MIND!!!

NO MORE will I allow you to render me Powerless!! For I serve a God that has ALL Power in His hands and as His child that same Power dwells within me.

MY IDENTITY
I now know who I am and Whose I am.

I AM a child of God. I AM the daughter of a King. I AM the apple of His eye. I AM a virtuous woman whose value is far above rubies. I AM blessed and highly favored. I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I AM God’s MASTERPIECE. I am LaShawn Spry and ……

I AM A COMEBACK WOMAN!!!!!!

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NOTE FROM THIS BLOGGER:
The accounts of this blog are from my real life story for the purpose of bringing awareness to women on the truth about domestic violence.

Domestic Violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. It also comes in many forms, including but not limited to physical, emotional and mental abuse. The effects of the abuse can last long after you have separated yourself from the abuser.

If you have found yourself in a violent situation, first know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! Second, know that YOU CAN GET OUT!!!!! There are SEVERAL programs tailor made to help you get out and get on your feet. Please contact your local police department or church for help TODAY!!!

YES getting out and healing will be a process. NO it will NOT be easy, but YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!! Telling you what I know.....

All my Love,
Your Purpose Pusher